And then, just as the last hope of finding an excuse to stay up past 11:00 drained away, I realized that I had a blog post to write.
Molto bene - I now get to vent.
Molto bene - I now get to vent.
So, against my better judgement, I joined a little debating group on Facebook this morning. I had a love/hate relationship with it for a few hours, and then jumped off and swam for shore. Why? Because GOOD GRACIOUS RASSILON it was depressing.
Gay marriage! Abortion! Evolution! I got a chance - as many chances as I liked - to state my opinion. Heck, my thoughts on those subjects aren't opinions, they're what I believe to be hardcore truth. And when something's true, it's not just because you 'believe' it. It's because it IS. Truth is universal! Beauty is not in the eye of the beholder! Reality is not subjective! *rails against the unrelenting cloud of general internet opinion*
(Haha, look, I'm venting.)
(It probably looks nasty to everyone reading it.)
Anyway, after that, of course, people jumped up and just started disagreeing. And I knoooow there will always be disagreement. And I guess I was anticipating it, even though it was a mostly-Christian thread. But right now I just can't take it. For my sanity, for my spiritual health, I just need to build foundations for now. Because I will seriously explode if I'm jumping around debating abortion on one post and trying to keep up with and counteract the comments on the evolution topic. It makes me too angry: it isn't healthy.
(Whatevah, venting's making me feel better.)
(Oh, yes, and it's all about my feelings, now, isn't it?)
So yes, I quit the group, and I'm not one hundred percent sure if that was the right thing to do, or not. But - here's my little captured atmosphere for the day - when I state my opinion on Facebook, I really feel like I'm shouting into a thick cloth. Into a stuffy room full of cotton. Into a hot, pressing darkness. An atmosphere that will allow me to scream at it, but that will never let the sound travel. And I'll never win against it.
I feel so small!
This is why I want to travel with the Doctor. Because it's really hard to do good down here. In the TARDIS, changing history would be just a snap of the fingers away. But down here, it takes a lifetime of work to make a difference.
I really do want to try. I will do everything I can to make my little time on the earth count.
But I'm not sure commenting on Facebook posts will help.
And that's just the source of what's getting me down, isn't it? The feeling of worthlessness. The feeling that my beliefs will never change anything.
(Normally, just about now is when I go into a fiction-coma and remind myself that there are stories where my favourite characters are living, and I could go join them until I feel better).
But right now, I think I'll just pray it out - and remember a truth that's like a strong hand helping me up. If God wants my opinion heard, then it will be heard. And if He doesn't - then why would I want to go against his plan?
~Sorry, everyone, for not catching up on comments, emails, and messages. I've been lazy about that. My inbox is so backed up. I'll get around to it ASAP.